I am on a journey of discovery and healing. Daily, I am reminded of the wonderful people and blessings in my life and how it is not so much my awesomeness, but theirs that are the reasons for my newly found joy. Huh? Yes, I am humble because I know that in my learning about who I am, I am discovering that I had both a high and low opinion of myself. Huh? Huh? Let me explain – there is no time, let me sum up:
For years I have been a selfish guy. I was focused on all things Scott. My own happiness, my own goals, how others viewed me and who I could meet to further my agenda and career. Meanwhile, I had a terrible self-image. I am currently working on that self image with therapy and seriously attempting to view things from a completely different point of view. I am no stranger to empathy, but sometimes I was lost in really thinking about others’ point of view. It was me me me. I was not happy with how I looked, so I would obsess about fitness and nutrition until I got close to where I wanted to be, then I would collapse from the stress of it all. Something small or silly would upset me and I would tumble into the abyss of despair and doom. I self medicated with alcohol, food and whatever I thought made me feel good at the time. Meanwhile, I was able to put on a facade to everyone outside of my immediate family. My lovely wife put up with it for so long until it all came crashing down around me.
What You Can Do To Change: Embrace Humility
Acknowledge that you are not the best in the world or the center of the universe and that you are fallible. One of the biggest lessons anyone can learn in life is how to be humble. How to put others first – especially those who are less fortunate or are not blessed with the gifts you were given or born with. Someone without your PRIVILEGE. Oh that nasty 9 letter word that people hate hearing about these days.
I recently had to go to loved ones, with my hat in my hand and apologize for my actions. I had to be vulnerable and accept that perhaps my apology would not be accepted and that those very loved ones would just as soon toss me out than have to deal with my crap anymore. I had to put myself out there and take the chance. So far, it has been a successful adventure and I have learned so much about myself and the human spirit. I think, deep down people want a homeostasis. They want things to work nicely, they want a groove to slip in.
Don’t confuse a groove with a rut – because they are two completely different states of being. A groove is fun – the word itself implies a dance or a ride. A rut is something you get stuck in. The word “rut” itself is jarring and uncomfortable. I was in a rut and now I am working myself into a groove. It is truly groovy. I owe it all to humility. I owe it all to putting others before myself and trying to understand what they need over my own needs. How my actions affected them. It is freeing and is leading me on a path I’ve never been on: joyousness.
Be The Ball
It would not be a Blathering if I didn’t sneak in a few quotes or ideas I’ve picked up from movies over the years. You really need to be the ball, just like Ty Webb told Danny in Caddyshack. Stop thinking about yourself and do what is right for the big picture. I am severely mixing metaphors and bad puns and everything else I can cram into this post, but that is why I named it ‘The Blathering’.
What I’m trying to say is you need to take a step back, look at things through someone else’s eyes, accept the consequences of your actions and embrace your humble self. Once this becomes a habit, you may actually see the true beauty this life has to offer. In my process of doing this I have really seen my wife and kids in a light so beautiful I cannot believe I never saw it before.
Then, watch a movie – because movies are cool.