I am going to go out on a limb here and admit something. I can’t drink anymore. I didn’t choose this because I am on some health kick (though I should be), I didn’t decide this because of a health problem (though it is connected), I chose to tell you this because if I have one drink it leads to terrible things. I’m an alcoholic. No, I don’t hit the bottle first thing in the AM or have rum in my morning coffee. I’m the kind of alcoholic that, over time, has become the guy who starts with one beer and ends up in Tijuana with a tattoo of a cactus on my forehead – all the while telling my wife I am at church studying my bible. Yeah – I’m that guy. I can go a while without drinking, for certain. But when I go back….whoa Nelly!
But I’m a Nice Guy!!!
Yup, I am. I’ll do anything for ya. “Quick with a joke or to light up your smoke…but there’s someplace that I’d rather be…” Yeah, drinking and getting stupid. That’s me – I am admitting it freely. Because of this, I have caused serious damage to my life and most likely my health – I have gained about 40lbs in 2 years because of the sauce. I am trying to maintain a jovial tone about this serious of subjects because if I don’t, I might just cry.
“Regrets, I have a few…”
A few too many! Family, friends, randos – I have regrets-a-plenty! But, I am moving on and going public so everyone knows. If we hang out – or plan to hang out – I will not be having a few drinks. I’ll join you for a coffee, diet soda (another poison) or a sparkling water ( I admit I like a good mineral water). BUT NO BOOZE! Things will go wrong and I don’t want you to see that. If I am hosting a Happy Hour for the radio station – I will not be drinking the happy sauce.
I have a New Business
Another reason why I need to keep myself on the up and up but not flying high. I have started a new business. ROC Vox Recording & Production, LLC. is a recording studio and production company. We record voice-overs and Podcasts. In order for me to start this business, I had to realize some things and some relationships were bad for me. Specifically, my relationship with alcohol. I cannot be the old me and make those old drunky decisions. As much as I cannot stand that Judge we all know about here in Rochester, I can understand that she is lost in her own psychosis.
I need my family. I love my family
I’m not from this town. If I lost my family, I would have a few friends but really nobody else. Would you want a 45 year old dude crashing on your couch for 6 months? Me neither. But that’s not the reason I am taking this path. I LOVE THEM. My wife and three kids are everything. If you want me to choose between them and you or them and something….ANYTHING – there is no contest – everyone or thing will lose to them. This is my path now.
How Did you Get to this Lowly State, Fitz?
First of all, I know many people who are sober now – people I looked up to for reasons other than their resolve to stay clean and sober. I just had to realize I was idolizing some of the wrong people. Now, I am going to reach out to those folks whom I admire and ask them how they did it – because I am smart enough to know you cannot do it alone.
Stick Around, Something Great Happening
I am not going to preach to you about what YOU should do. Nope. If you are a Vegan or Paleo or Republican or Teetotaler – whatever you are – that’s your thing and we can still be friends. I am actually going to be a much better person. I might actually start to achieve some things and get out of my own way. My true talents have just sort of peeked out here and there, but now maybe they will be unafraid to come out for once!
From the immortal words of Captain Mancuso on the USS Dallas “Ok Ryan, We just unzipped our fly…”